Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Flower-filled Tuesday

I must spend much time out-of-doors today. It is our last real Spring day for awhile. Back to chilly tomorrow. 
I will - I will ...

What a beautiful day it has been here in the woods.

I planted 40 pots of seeds [flowers for the wedding – and lots of veggies for my garden – planning on an early spring], cleaned the yard, the patio … things are looking good for spring. It is coming quickly, right? Yes.

My living room is filled – no, really, filled – with beauteous paper flowers for the wedding … Sam is so irritated with me that he no longer can hang in the living room.The sofa is his favorite sitting place - need to find another until May.

I told Taylor today, that after the wedding, I just may make and sell all of these cool flowers I have been creating … such fun.

Jumping to a different place –
Family – connection – being together – 

My sister is struggling with ‘what to do’, ‘what to say’ with her [our] brother. Today when we talked of it – I said, ‘he just may not be used to the connection thing’. Let’s remember, many people are not. That is a ‘baby step’ process for many.
Unconditional love can break those barriers … conditional love can not.
If we go into something with expectations … things ‘we’ need … then the end result is less than what anyone needed/wanted.
Goes back to – giving is the only way we get …

I know I am scattered … pieces of this and that …

Lois … I have many beauteous friends – Lois is my oldest … longest … bestest ...
We have been friends since forever – before we even knew we were friends – from age 3-4- … crazy …
I quit watching soap operas [which I know I mentioned awhile back] – but [sorry Evie – and] I decided to start watching General Hospital again – so that Lois and I can talk about it …

Life is funny [not ha ha funny – but funny just the same] – last night we tried to discuss this daytime drama , and at the same time, I was talking with my sister about our [love] family drama … the two didn’t really mix and I missed out on the last conversation about General Hospital … we will get to that – while, I hope [trust] my sister is knowing that all will be well with our newfound brother … I trust that he will reach out to us … if not – his loss [1/2 kidding].

It all will be good …

Sharing yet another excerpt from touched by many –


My grandfather had passed away when I was 10, though the whole experience was kept from me.

I knew he was sick. He had been sick for almost 2 years. I used to take care of him, when he was home and not yet so bad. He called me Florence Nightingale.

And then it got worse. Much worse.
One lung taken out, right after the cancer had spread to the other lung. The suffering was missed by me. Maybe he just acted very well. Or maybe I loved him so much, he never seemed to change.

When he did die, they told me some cocking bull story about how they were in the hospital room that morning, and when they went back in the afternoon, he wasn’t in bed so they went out on the balcony and saw him flying up to heaven.

Saving one from the truth. He never would have done that.

That left me feeing quite strange about the whole heaven thing.

So, when she got sick, I thought I was prepared.
I was not.
Michael called her MeMe.
I guess that came out first, so then everyone started calling her that.
Much like Popsicles being ‘yuccas’ for years. Same reason.
Having kids rename things because they didn’t know.
Go figure.
Strange I think.
To each her/his own.

Mary was amazing.
Filled with life and love.
There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for anyone.
Lynn and Cheryl were two of her kids [twins].
They were my friends.
Hitchhiked around Brockton with Lynn once.
Scared to death.
Dumb idea.
But being cool seemed important that day.

Mary seemed to die quickly.
Though to her it must have seemed to take forever.
The last time I saw her, she was on a bed in the kitchen.

A shell. Really.
Her smile was the same.
That is all I recognized.

My mind was filled with, I wish she would die … and then followed with .. how could you think that. She wasn’t living … she was laying.

Her husband, Bill, was quite the jerk. I had heard that my whole life, and tried to put all of those preconceived notions away … to find out for myself. And, he was a jerk.

She was a saint.
At that time, I knew that.
Today, I know it even more.

Her family was the center of her soul.
She couldn’t leave them until she was sure.
Sure that they would be fine without her.
How could anyone be fine without her?
I wasn’t fine. And she wasn’t my mother.

Tears of relief and sorrow flowed for days, after she passed away – leaving a 40 pound body on that bed in the kitchen. We all had big things to do now. It would take all of us to try to fill the shoes that Mary wore each day.
The growing and changing that we all experienced through the trying – amazing.

She watched with glee. This I know.

"I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself."
May West

Until tomorrow xo

No comments:

Post a Comment