January 22, 2011

A few days ago I mentioned that 2010 wasn't so great …

One of the reasons:

Just about a year ago, my Grace, Jack Russell Rat Terrier, died. For 12 years she was my best friend. She went everywhere with me. She was the security system at school, watching out for each student’s welfare and she trained the other dogs and cats. She was definitely ‘in charge’.

Living without her was so odd. In some ways it was the way I felt when my kids left home; except, of course, I was happy with/for their independence and I still saw them all of the time. But physically and spiritually I became different. The way one moves, thinks - all becomes different. So many things I did, naturally, weren’t natural anymore. The depth of my grief when Grace died was so foreign to me. It may sound silly, but it was like loosing an integral body part.

A few days ago, I got out this photo of her and it made me smile, rather than cry. Whew. I love this photo of Grace with Marley and Taylor. They used to always say I liked Grace better than them. Sometimes I probably did.

                                                     

I spent a good part of last year not living what I speak [believe]. Reveling in the sad, experiencing the moments, knowing all happens for a reason … instead, I expended the small amount of energy I had trying to ‘figure it out’ and ‘fighting it’ … silly. And then, happily, I felt my light coming back.

It was my sister, Donna, who reminded me. We were talking on the telephone one night and she told me that I was responsible for her feeling much gratitude. She spoke of conversations we had. I was moved as she told me that I was responsible for her realizing all of the joy and reasons to be grateful in her life. Through that conversation, I felt my light again. I remembered the grateful, joyful, happy person I had been for 50+ years. All of a sudden, I was awake again.

I’m sure many of my babblings may [and will continue to] sound sad – but truth is I am becoming more and more grateful for the year I just left behind. For years I have written blurbs and thought about writing a book about my spiritual journey. In my mind’s heart I always thought it would be about some brilliance and awakening that I found during my summers at the beach, my alone time of happy contemplation; and I am beginning to see that the ‘year from hell’ was the spiritual journey I never expected.

Life is good.

Hope everyone has a glorious weekend. xo♥